So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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