do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
