I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
