I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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