My first STD was from a foam party
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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