I seem to have left my pride at pride
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
