YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
