so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
