ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
