I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
