Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
