you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
