God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
