I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize