I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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