Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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