Buhtt sex?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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