how do flat chested girls get laid?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
