So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize