Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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