Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
