We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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