I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
