It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
