come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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