i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
