Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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