He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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