A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
