apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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