When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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