she was so not down for the gang bang
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
