Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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