fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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