I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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