He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
