I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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