Four minutes until I can fart!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
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