I saw his package. It spoke to me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
