I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
