I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
