There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
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