Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Redeem this text for a blowjob
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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