Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
