Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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