omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
