This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
