you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
