its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
