I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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