I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize