wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize