Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
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I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
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I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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