i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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