So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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