I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
