My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
