I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
