Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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