he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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