At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
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I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.