Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE