I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i can juggle bunnies
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
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i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!