I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.