can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
